It means there is some part of me that I’m not loving.

Envy.

When I see an emotion in someone else that makes me feel admiration and yet insecure at the same time, I feel envy.

Before me lies the perfect example of this emotion or quality, and I know I will never measure up.

We think of envy as a negative trait to be avoided at all costs.

I don’t think envy is either negative or positive. Envy can be a useful tool when used correctly, to understand and love yourself more fully.

Hear me out.

Envy has nothing to do with how perfect the other person is, though that’s what we like to focus on. It’s the deficit in us that’s saying, “Hey! Look over here! I need your help!” There is something about that part of us that is begging to be understood and loved.

For example, let’s say Johnny is a super peaceful person. Nothing ruffle’s Johnny’s feathers. Johnny keeps his cool when others would blow a gasket. Your brain then starts comparing you to Johnny: See Johnny’s peace? Why aren’t I peaceful like Johnny? I’m not feeling very peaceful right now. I could really use help in the peace department. Please? I REALLY WANT THAT KIND OF PEACE!

Now you have choices. You could focus on Johnny and his “perfect peace” and start grumbling about how Johnny hasn’t had your trials and tribulations, because if he had, that serenity would be wiped off his stupid peaceful face.

Not super helpful.

Your second choice is to focus on you. Your brain is telling you it isn’t feeling peaceful. Take some time to sit with that in open curiosity. It might take a while before you understand why you don’t feel at peace, and that’s okay. Sometimes just admitting to yourself you don’t feel peaceful and loving yourself as you are right now is enough to quiet your brain. You’ve started the process, and your brain will help you find the root of your problem when the time is right.

If you had rejected the envy you felt because you didn’t want to wipe the serenity off Johnny’s stupid peaceful face, you would have missed the opportunity to realize there were parts of you that needed your love.

I welcome envy.

I honor the person that made me feel envy, thanking them in my head for showing me a beautiful example of being peaceful (or for whatever emotion triggered my envy).

I thank myself for letting me know that it needed to be loved in this specific area, and I give it that love by trying to understand it and working to heal it. It can be messy. It can be uncomfortable. It always creates love. It has created a depth of love for myself I didn’t know was possible.

Think of envy as a tool.

You can throw the tool at Johnny’s stupid peaceful face.

You can ignore the tool and deny it exists.

Or you can use the tool to look under your own hood and tinker around until you figure out where all the steam is coming from.

How you use envy is up to you.

I know how I’m using it.