I think I love myself last sometimes.

It’s like there’s only so much love to go around, and I have to make sure everybody gets enough, and I’ll take whatever is left over, which is stupid, because love is an unlimited resource.

I’m so afraid of loving myself too much that I meter it out.

WHY?!

I think there are several misguided reasons that have added up to this (ill)logical conclusion.

#1: If I love myself too much, I’ll become a narcissist

First, I’m pretty sure narcissists are operating from a love deficit and instead of loving themselves, they take love from other people to fill the hole.

Second, I don’t think it’s possible to love too much. It implies love is a limited resource. We compare love to gold and diamonds, which are precious because they are expensive. You work to save up three months salary to buy your special loved one an engagement ring. Basic economics says less supply = more demand = more money = higher value = precious. The rarer an item is, the more valued and treasured it is. The very symbol of our love has been economized, and since love is the greatest treasure of all, it must be hoarded or wisely spent.

Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard? And yet our ring fingers hold the proof that we’ve monetized love.

“I’d never hoard love!”

Did you ever think you would hoard toilet paper before 2020? As long as you use the words “too much”, “not enough”, “first” or “last” in terms of love, it can be hoarded. All it takes is the threat of it running out and we start hoarding like dooms day preppers.

Stop treating love like toilet paper when it’s a bidet.

#2: Humility is loving others more than myself

Again, using words like “more” implies there is a limit to love.

We’re taught to put others’ needs above our own, not to think too highly of ourselves, and that pride goeth before a fall. Be humble, serve others. These are traits that are lauded in our culture.

I don’t think it’s healthy to be humble.

The Oxford definition for humility is a modest or low view of one’s own importance.

I don’t think that anything that requires you to be less than or operates from a place of negativity or shame is healthy.

If I have a low view of my own importance, the only person it impacts is me. I’m only putting myself down. I’m not “giving” anyone else that value, except in my own mind. The CEO of your company isn’t going to gain that extra value, and if they did, that would be messed up. “Yes! Mandy has reduced the amount of her value, which means MORE VALUE FOR ME!”

The way we even place value on importance goes right back to that limiting belief that there’s only so much value or importance to go around. Each person is inherently valuable, simply because they are a person. I am not going to limit someone else’s value to make me feel better. I am not going to limit my own value to make someone else feel better. There is enough value to go around.

We are all inherently worthy of love and value, both of which are limitless.

What if instead we thought of them like air?

Everyone needs air to exist. Everyone has access to air. If I breathe more air, it’s impossible for me to take that air away from someone else. If I breathe less air, I’m not giving someone else more air, I’m only harming myself.

Everyone needs love to exist.

If I love myself more, it’s impossible for me to take love away from someone else.

If I love myself less, it’s impossible for me to save that love for someone else. I’m only harming myself.

I choose to love myself without limit.

I choose to value who I am without limit.